Franklin and the old Spaniard...

My mother grew up in a small farming community in southern Idaho right on the Utah boarder called Franklin, Id. There isn’t much in the north end of Cache Valley or all of Cache Valley for that matter but farming and college. It is a beautiful area during the summer and bitterly cold in the winter.

My mother when she passed away 3 years ago was buried in Orem at a beautiful place to visit near the mouth of Provo Canyon. It is about 30 min from my house easy to get to and I visit at least a dozen times a year. The visits don’t last long. I stand reflect momentarily on my loss, on my Mother’s life, on my life now and what she would say about it. What advice she would give me. What I would share with her.

I breathe in the good air that refreshes my lungs and body. I am not convinced it’s the air or the clearing of mind. I leave with a feeling, not so much that my life has been reset but more so that my soul has been blessed with a moment of eternal rest, a little gust of spiritual wind clearing for a time the world from me. It’s a good feeling even if it is only briefly lived.

Back in that little community in the north end of Cache Valley exists a very old cemetery. Huge 100 yr old trees line the driveways the field spotted with headstones new and old. Some worn down to nothing but a barren face of stone with faint impressions where names and dates told a story of a life long ago departed.

In this place lay my grandparents my aunt and many other ancestors of mine. I know them only because the names are shared with those who I do know of.. In the 5 years since my Aunt passed away I have been to this place not once. There are not many reasons to come to here, and honestly it is too far to drive just to visit gravesites.

Yet one beautiful summer Sunday afternoon I found myself on the main street of Franklin standing in front on my grandparent’s house I was in this mix of emotions. Flooding of memories smells and sites overcoming my being deep sadness of the things that had changed. Although my uncle lives in the house I knew nothing familiar was in there. The house was much more a skeleton than anything else.

The weeds were taller than 2 of me, shrubs and wild growing flowers, newly planted and growing trees almost hid the house from the street. I knocked on the front door seemingly never used anymore with stuff piled on the doorstep. When no one answered I made my way around the house to once again see my memories dashed when it bore no resemblance to the backyard of my grandparent.

As I stood there looking around soaking in and reliving the ghosts of my memory appearing and disappearing almost as quickly, I noticed a old man sitting on his porch. I made my way across to his yard not really knowing what I was after. I cordially announced myself as I made my way up his flower-strewn sidewalk.

Once he found out that I was related to Ray, my grandpa, and Lorraine and Rhonda, his eyes lit up. It has been 15 years since my Grandpa has passed but I could see his face express the similar flash of emotion I felt and then he began to recount story after story about Ray and how he was such a storyteller. How My Grandma was such a hard worker and good person. He said several times Rhonda always came to talk to his wife while on her way home from church every Sunday. I felt closer to my grandma and grandpa that I have felt for so long. We talked for 30 min at least. My heart was overflowing for the blessing of this man who embarrassed by his Spanish accented, halting, English had been put in my path to bring the past back to the forefront of my mind. I left him smiling in my heart that day and in a spirit that raised me above my current world for a time.

Mandy and I stopped on our way out of town at the cemetery. The smell of farmland and fields of alfalfa and grain filled the air. The temperature was perfect the sun starting its descent down to the horizon. The cemetery void of people was so peaceful however I think it was peaceful state of my soul that day that was filling and overcoming my senses more than the absence of people.


Quietly Mandy and I discussed family. I shared stories I recalled. For the next 45 min we moved across the cemetery identifying more family members. Seeking out the history of the people who rested here pieced together by the limited bits of information on the headstones. The faded headstones and monuments drawing the most attention. So many born almost 200 years ago, sacrificing to establish the lives we enjoy now. So many children……..So many servicemen some giving their lives in combat on your behalf …..many living a life forever changed by war.

And there was my family….

I know as I drove away as I do even now many days later that our families and loved ones stand at our side when we stop our lives to remember. The seemingly empty monument-filled resting places so quiet are filled with our loved ones still eager to scream peace and enlightenment to our souls if we could shut our thinkers off long enough to let them through.

Don’t mistake the quiet peace the next time you go to the cemetery as a byproduct to great landscapers or proximity to the world that continues to spin outside the cemetery boundaries. Don’t mistake the breeze as just some fluke of nature meant to compliment you trip that day. Give your hand over to those who eagerly wait for you and long for your happiness. And if you get a chance to talk to an old Spaniard who knew your grandpa…talk to him…you wont regret it!

A man's dying is more the survivors' affair than his own. ~Thomas Mann, The Magic Mountain

For: Ray Morrison, 1900-1992, Lorraine Morrison 1920-1997, Cheryl Burge 1945-2007, Rhonda Morrison 1955-2004

That depends on what the meaning of "is" is....

Remember that fine line by one of the most notable if not Infamous leaders of the free world? With what has become an automatic, almost required, move the current regime has once again tried to disguise business as usual. That side of the isle spent the last 8 years condemning relentlessly the closed door meetings W and Cheney had during their presidency and pledging to be "transparent" and "Open" in their presidency. In doing so they just added a testament to their naivete and clueless nature.

Although we could hands down together admit that Joe Biden is one of the loosest cannons and most dense political figures in history next to Nancy Pelosi or Harry Reed or Jerry Brown or Bob Kerry or Paul Tsongas....(ok so there are alot of them)

I digress.....he has come into office treating us as dumb as he is. Continually holding open meeting after open meeting in which the media was not allowed.

Now I am not against closed door meetings personally I think there are things presidencies do that we dont need to know about or want to know about. The problem I have is that having meetings you are calling "Open" to meet a campaign promise and then not allowing the press which is the only way 99.999999% of the citizens would ever be exposed to them. Joe we aren't dumb although putting him in office as a nation might not hold up that statement.

The other problem I have is the complete lack of foresight and understanding this administrtation operates under. They were never going to be able to live up to promises like that but it hasnt stopped them from emmitting greenhouse gasses as they speak.

As clear as the "Meaning of Is" was to us back then Your meaning of "No Private meetings", Joe is not even close to what the words say to even a 5th grader. Joe Jeff Foxworthy would own you.

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/washington/2009/07/joe-biden-update-1.html

This one is a gem

From the book of criminals are dumb a$$e$....again...
A man attempting to pull of a signifigant and sophisticated heist walks into the Black Diamonds company and brandishes an ice pick demanding prescious metals and money.

Lets reset this plan a bit....
As a genious master thief you go to the yellow pages and find the first business that looks like it has something extremely valuable and then go to your kitchen cupboard to find a weapon of intimidation to threaten them with. Of course an ice pick is the natural choice. After all you can threaten to whittle their block of ice to nothing making all the milk from the morning milking spoil cuz the icebox is warm.

This would put all the armed guards, a company like that would have, shudder in their boots drop their weapons, hand over their porridge and give up the secret to the special agent decoder rings.

With Your plan in place you walk in and demad that they empty their pockets of the tons of gold bars...something you would definately know they didnt have if you had for even a brief time monitored their business...you know "stake it out"...or did you use those pages of your Armed Robbery for Dummies book as toilet paper? In it there was one of those little targets with an arrow telling you to beware of businesses that have a name with "Diamonds" in it but dont really deal in jewelry.

Im just wondering at what point you as a robber crapped your pants? Was it when the employees started laughing at you hysterically or when you took the pencil cup and post-it notes as a runner up prize and ran out of the High Adventure Equipment business?

Just another witness against any criminal that says they are smart. Have a great day and remember to put your gold bars and your blocks of ice under lock and key for everyones safety.

Schools is out!

I love this time of year. School is ending annd it is almost a euphoric feeling that I get even now. One dredged up from my adolescence. I am not graduating I dont have a child graduating but they are there burried deep inside your memory. At the mere hint of those rememberances the flood of feelings wells up and we experience the full force even though it has been years.

The excitement of the completion of another year of school. Leaving for months not having to be under the pressure of daily school work. The dread of breaking routine and missing friends yet the freedom of expanding and reaching out. What exactly is so exhillerating about this?

Hope? promise? progress?

I think this is a time of change of regeneration of moving on moving forward. something you only experience when you are in school. Not so much College but definately High School.

I think it is sad that we have to relive this feelings from so long ago. I miss that. I think people in general miss that. Why dont we have something similar thoughout our adult lives? We just churn and churn through life never finding that break to rethink ourselves. Of course we have vacations so generously given by our employers but it isnt the same. We dont even take all our vacation each year on the average in the US.

Norway has it right when they have national holiday during June every year. It's a vacation month. Businesses shut down and people have a summer vacation. That would probably do it I'm thinking. People cant ignore them or never get around to taking them like we do here so many times. Everyone is going. Everyone has the excitement and buildup. Just like laughter it is far more contaigious that it is to create it out of thin air. If everyone is excited then it is much easier to feel that way. The eneergy throughout the school is electric the last 2 weeks.

Sadly I dont think our culture in the US could absorb that kind of hit but its a nice thought none-the-less.

Mothers.....

A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie. ~Tenneva Jordan

I remember my mother's prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life. ~Abraham Lincoln

Some mothers are kissing mothers and some are scolding mothers, but it is love just the same, and most mothers kiss and scold together. ~Pearl S. Buck

Women's Liberation is just a lot of foolishness. It's the men who are discriminated against. They can't bear children. And no one's likely to do anything about that. ~Golda Meir

Now, as always, the most automated appliance in a household is the mother. ~Beverly Jones

I miss thee, my Mother! Thy image is still
The deepest impressed on my heart.
~Eliza Cook

It's not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it. ~From the television show The Golden Girls

No painter's brush, nor poet's pen
In justice to her fame
Has ever reached half high enough
To write a mother's name.
~Author Unknown

A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb

Happy Mothers Day!

It seems life is just one loss after another. I really think the adage about customer service applies here too. For every one good instance of customer service a customer passes along 7 bad ones. In the long run we are in a vacuum…we cannot lose without having first gained. We just happen to remember 7 times more the losses than the gains. I think more so when you string some losses together.

Our losses and hurt can come for many reasons, life situations, fragility of human life, bad or harmful decisions by others or even stupidity or mistakes made by yourself. I’m not sure which situation is most distasteful..

I know I regret my stupidity and the things I have done. Some out of selfishness.. For those of you who deny ever doing anything out of selfishness you are a liar and no I wont take it back! :-P I very rarely do things with the intent to hurt. But I have done many things to hurt others. Not proud…in fact I am probably harder on myself than even those I have hurt.

I think sometimes though the losses that hurt the most are the ones that I have no control over. The ones that I can’t find closure because I cant assign blame even if it is to myself.

How we deal with loss is also very interesting. Sometimes it can be defined and predicted by age or gender or the type of loss. Most often it is experience level that is the most dictating of the behavior.

I have adopted the strategy of moving on and putting it behind you being the best strategy. Most times we don’t have a complete understanding of why something occurred. Once the biologic refuse contacts the mechanical circulation management device free flow of communication shuts down and no longer is it practical or logical in assuming that you will ever know all the information you need to have the type of closure every human would like.

When left to assumptions or speculation we have moved into the realm of writing pure fantasy. There is no way that we author a scenario in our minds that it will be anywhere near as boring or unspectacular as it is in reality. Yet many people run themselves into the ground seeking answers that are unattainable.

Many situations have been made significantly worse by acting on our new found fantasy work or by seeking out answers that you will never be given. Why did my friend or family member have to be taken from me? No answer there. Other times acting out is manifest in striking out.

I think earlier in life I was a bitter and reactive and tough. Much more outwardly emotional. I was in it for paybacks or showing toughness so that it wasn’t clear I was hurting. I gained a poor reputation both in my career as well as my personal life. I reacted to them defiantly accusingly whether it was my fault or not. It was easier to be angry and offensive than to deal with putting the hurt behind me and evaluating what happened for a learning opportunity. Of course this only made it worse for everyone. No it wasn’t pleasant to begin with but when I got done with it everyone was going to have to take 5 times as long to heal.

This was not the product of someone that was a good person, yet I was in my heart. I just refused to behave like a good one. I genuinely did not hate the people around me. There are very few people that have crossed my path that I would consider bad and of the “hate” category. Mostly it was my dislike of their behavior.

When I could clearly see that in my life there was a distinct line between my behavior sometimes and what I really was I learned to draw the line with people in my life too. While this didn’t keep pain away it minimized my suffering time and allowed me to not hate them thus hate myself.

This was also beneficial to those. I can spar and say biting and hurtful things with the best of anyone this would only serve to be fed off of. It was frustrating to those who were trying to get a reaction out of me but since I was no fun it allowed them to move on more quickly.

I may not really understand why I did things I have done in life, likewise others may not know why they have done what they have done to hurt me. Until the day I meet my maker I may not have answers to most of the questions in life. My energy is better spent learning a lesson, asking forgiveness, forgiving others and forgiving myself then moving forward.

Loss and hurt is as much a part of life as laughter, blessings and happiness. Although very hard to do I will continue on my newly defined process battling my old reactionary self because it is what I believe is best for those around me as well as myself. Will I be perfect at it? No way its hard…very hard. I am such an imperfect person I do it mostly as a cry for leniency and mercy when I behave like a butt head.

The turning point in the process of growing up is when you discover the core of strength within you that survives all hurt. ~Max Lerner, The Unfinished Country, 1950

Friday...

Friday is my birthday.
Now I know many of you will take time and wish me "Happy Birthday" and some would consider getting me something of a gift. Here is what I would ask.

Before you do anything for me this is what I wish for my birthday. Take time out of your week and think of someone that could use kindness. Someone that could use thought. Someone that needs to be thought of...then do it.

Simple huh?

Make is more than something you fill in because you do it anyways. Go out of your way to make them smile.... then tell me about it...you can use generalities its not to bring you praise. If you choose to not tell me by your wishes I will know that you have done so.
I need nothing else but this act from you.

Thank you in advanace. You all mean the world to me.
Mikey